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testmeat photoblog


11 June 2012

gave myself to providence

gave myself to providence
i gave myself to sin i gave myself to providence and i've been there and back again the state that i am in
after fasting all day, and avoiding any meat or alcohol for most of the week, i was sitting in the dark of the shaman's hut when he called my name and offered me a cup of ayahuasca. i had been in exactly the same place two days prior, and a similar situation a few years before. after each of those previous experiences i left a little disappointed at the relatively benign effect. when i photographed the potion bubbling away i had no idea how different it would behave compared to my former ceremonies. it usually takes about 45 minutes before you start to feel any kind of reaction, and as it began to take hold i walked out of the hut and lay on the grass outside. it was a particularly clear night, and the lack of both artificial and lunar light pollution meant the stars were particularly bright. as i looked up to the sky of stars a rush of serenity embraced me and i felt a contentedness which i'd never experienced before. to evoke an embarrassingly cliched phrase i felt completely at one with the nature around me. it was a beautiful sensation, like mother nature was wrapping her arms around me. it was an unspeakably peaceful, non-judgemental and benevolent sensation that filled me with unrelenting joy. when i finally returned to the hut i joined my fellow travellers in a second round of drinks. i was hoping to return to this meditative state, but the second cup had other plans. instead of projecting out into the interconnectedness of everything it reversed and went inward. i began to shiver, a fever gripping my body, and then the vomiting started. vomiting is a fairly common side-effect with ayahuasca, and isn't as negative as it may sound, regarded as a purging act which cleanses your body. i lay down and began to drift to a different place or a different plane. when i arrived at this plane i found that i was surrounded by, for lack of a better description, spirit beings. i didn't regard them as good spirits, or bad spirits, if anything they were ambivalent. it was as though i'd wandered into their world, and they either didn't know or care that i was around. adorned with beads and feathers they were chanting and getting on with their spirit business as i observed from the sidelines. thoughts were rushing through my head too quick for me to fully process. i started to think of childhood friends that i hadn't thought of in years and had profoundly vivid visions of the house that i grew up in which i hadn't set foot inside in over a decade. at no point did i feel comfortable nor did i feel threatened. it's very difficult to really put into words but it was without doubt the most intense, surreal experience of my life. i awoke the next morning gratified with my experience, open to the prospect of repeating it in the future but with no strong desire to do it again any time soon. and bloody ravenous for a beer and a burger.

here's the original
i'm trying to find a real shaman i south america... where was it (village)?
posted by etienne on 25 Oct 2012 10:55
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